If You Tolerate This (An Ode to Liberals)
Tolerance! That's what it's all about
If you don't agree, we'll swear and scream and shout
We're the loving, caring ones, see our halos shine
If you dare dissent, we'll force you back in line
We'll tell you what to think, don't you worry about that
Different views and debate? Such old hat
If you don't worship at the altar of the NHS
If you don't want your children taught by a man in a dress
You're a bigot, you're a fascist, you're just a backwards brat
We've got this loving, caring stuff right down pat
If you dare to disobey and didn’t vote Remain
Your betrayal is abhorrent, worse than Abel and Cain
(Of course the Bible's nonsense though, so is all religiosity
Except for Statism and Scientism and other such monstrosity)
Don't be so transphobic, gender's malleable as clay
But demi-boy transgenders? Born that way
We need to make sure women aren't oppressed
By letting men in their changing rooms to watch them get undressed
Challenge anything we say, you're phobic, full of fear
Just ask brave Bruce Jenner, woman of the year
You can be anything you want, you're liberated and free
To agree with and support us and pick your gender, aged three
If all this seems bizarre and such an aberration
It's clear you need some loving liberal re-education
Menacing and ominous, don't think we should?
Shut up, stop talking, it's for the greater good
As we're viciously condemning you, don't forget you're full of hate
You're a Nazi and a moron and deserve a grisly fate
Bludgeoning you with insults, surely can't fail
You've internalised misogyny, from evil white males
Never judge people on their gender or their race
Unless they disagree with us and need putting in their place
Then they're stupid white people, mansplaining jerks
Funny how this double standard just always works!
Remember climate change is real and Greta Thunberg is a saint
Dare to disagree, we'll clutch our pearls and feel faint
We're a bit malnourished, see, from the vegan diet
Omnivores need meat? Just keep quiet!
You have to vote as we tell you, you must think like us
We're for the people on the Clapham omnibus
Except for this one and for that one and that monster over there
He said 'gender-neutral pronouns? I just don't care.'
You must worship J. Corbyn as the new messiah
Even though his voting records show he's just another liar
He's been anti-EU his entire career
But pointing that out? A Tory smear!
We only accept democracy when it goes our way
Believe that when it doesn't, there'll be hell to pay
All the other options, we'll attack and blame and slander
But dare to question us, it's dangerous propaganda
Stop violently oppressing us with your speech and your thoughts
We control the justice system and we can prosecute in court
If you dare to disagree with us, it's right you go to jail
It's obvious you're guilty if you read the Daily Mail
Once we've silenced you all with the rule of law
Once we've transformed our culture into 1984
When we've eliminated all variants and political choice
We'll praise our great diversity with one united voice
One day, though, we might have cause to think twice
An original thought might emerge, a dangerous vice
When we cautiously speak up to our tolerant friends
We will see exactly where this loving tolerance ends
Denounced and rejected, kicked out of the gang
We'll be drawn and quartered, left out to hang
We thought we mattered, we thought they loved and cared
But too late we see the trap in which we were snared
Even if you preach their dogma your entire career
Just remember what happened to Germaine Greer
One note from the collective hymn sheet you don't correctly sing
That's it, condemned, too right-wing!
Tolerance tolerates you as long as you submit
And when you don't, you'll be deemed mentally unfit
Try to think for yourself and question sacred creeds
For your own destruction, you've just sewn the seeds
Muzzled and slandered, labelled psychically unwell
They'll drug and sedate you, so you never can tell
You're the worst of all evils, you didn't tolerate
A despotic authority determining your fate
Tolerance means letting tyrants set the rules
If you think otherwise, you've been tragically fooled
That's why we've been warned, all throughout history
That tolerance is the last virtue of a dead society